Polly

Writings and Witterings

Those

21 Comments

Still working on a this one – your thoughts welcomed.

Those

To those
who perpetuate the pain
of their blue touch-paper power.
Those who are wired
and can’t resist
their hot and hopeful passions.
Those who rewrite history
to show themselves
in the best of lights.
The narcissists who will not fight,
yet fall witless
into a sparky partner’s life.
They drip with sweat,
illumine the night,
feast on fear,
grin white at the gullible
tongue out for the taste of trust.

To ego-tripsters,
attention seekers
who ignore fleshy desires to cruelly deny the other.
Base deceivers,
self-believers,
story-weavers.
They think their charm and smarm
will calm the gentlest voice.

They jolt,
they interject
to project;
don’t know how to reflect,
relish neglect.

They idly promise to share,
care
then make life-ensnaring love
change what they once professed to love.

Later.
A positive charge.
A crash of thunder.
The storm smashes, claps,
tempests collide.
Lightning
rages.

Polly Robinson © 2014

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21 thoughts on “Those

  1. Powerful. I like it!

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  2. Hi Polly, I like this. It’s a big subject and a great concept for a poem.

    It works for me and I’d point to just two things: I’m not sure if ‘guts’ is apt at the end of the first stanza; it’s a good word but as a verb? I think ‘– with no regard and no respect –’ is superfluous because you’re inferring that throughout the poem and it might be taken as a tad didactic?

    Carry on good poet :)

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  3. Very emotionally charged Polly, well written! I hope this means we’ll be seeing more?

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  4. you are really stirring it up, Polly, with a passionate energy that feels delightfully authentic. I especially enjoy how you’ve honed that first stanza, and your taper down to the final line is effective.

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  5. I don’t normally comment in a critique-y way on a blog post, but seeing as you’ve asked…

    It’s definitely interesting to see this latest draft as I know you’ve put a lot into this piece.

    My query relates to these first lines:

    “To those
    incapable of seeing
    the impact of their blue touch-paper power.”

    And yet, the rest of the poem reads as though “those” people are most definitely quite aware of their “impact” and rather disgustingly relishing it. I wonder if it’s more that they *behave* as though they’re completely unaware of the consequences of their actions?

    Just a thought.

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    • Hmmm… now there’s food for thought. I first replied ‘I shall have to think on this and come back to you later,’ but have subsequently thought and rephrased… I believe the new line is more powerful and addresses the issue you’ve highlighted. I shall be interested to see whether you agree. Thanks Holly, appreciated :)

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      • It does seem to read in a less contradictory manner than before.
        But only you can say what you really want it to mean… Don’t just change it cos someone else says – I could esily be wrong! ;)

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        • Yes, it is my work and I will ensure it meets my intentions. I don’t ignore anyone’s advice, I value it all, but at the end of it, it’s my call. Thanks so much for commenting.

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  6. Pretty darn good as is, Polly. You use of line and stanza breaks works very well. Take care. k.

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  7. superb, pal!

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